We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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