He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
