I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize