420 ftw
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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