You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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