you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
