I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
