I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
