Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
