After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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