Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
