ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
