When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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