May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
