I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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