Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
