Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
