Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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