I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
