At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
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