Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
