you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
