the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
