Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
