listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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