I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
