benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
