you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Two words: blizzard sex
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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