I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
