is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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