I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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