You can't special order awesome
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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