he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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