He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I believe in your delicious
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
