I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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