If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
