...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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