We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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