put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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