he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I supernannyed him into submission
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
