i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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