He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize