you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
