i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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