That's intense
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
