Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
