If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
