I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize
