Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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