Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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