weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
