Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
