that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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