He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize