He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
