I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
