Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
