I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
