Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
