My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
