There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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