so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
