I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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