her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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