no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
