I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
