the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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